I can't write much, because I have some studying to do before I hit my wall and have to go to bed. But, I was thinking the other day, that even as much as I needed to leave my old church, I really miss some stuff. I miss that I knew the names and faces of a few hundred people. I miss the familiarity of the faces. Maybe even the quick, superficial conversations once a week.
I really felt this tonight at AWANA when I got to talking with a couple of gals from my old church. I kinda miss these people. I mean, man, it's not like I stopped LIKING people just because I left! Maybe some stopped liking me, (HAHA!) but I still feel exactly the same.......
Maybe these thoughts are a sign that I'm ready to join this small group at my new church. It starts this Friday morning. I'm not intimidated by being in a small group or Bible study. I never have been. But, I'm afraid of this not working. I'm afraid of finding out it's a bunch of churchy women playing the churchy game.
Being at this church and not being a part of anything, has sort of been like holding my breath under water. And, I'm afraid that, when I get in this group, it's going to be like getting to the surface of the water, finally letting my breath out and I break down and cry. Get all emotional with people I don't even know. I don't know why I think I will cry. Maybe it's because I've just been so dang afraid, and now I'm doing it......I'm crossing over my twelve inch thick, very protective wall I've constructed. What's going to protect me now, sitting in the circle of this small group?