Wednesday, September 26, 2007


I can't write much, because I have some studying to do before I hit my wall and have to go to bed. But, I was thinking the other day, that even as much as I needed to leave my old church, I really miss some stuff. I miss that I knew the names and faces of a few hundred people. I miss the familiarity of the faces. Maybe even the quick, superficial conversations once a week.

I really felt this tonight at AWANA when I got to talking with a couple of gals from my old church. I kinda miss these people. I mean, man, it's not like I stopped LIKING people just because I left! Maybe some stopped liking me, (HAHA!) but I still feel exactly the same.......

Maybe these thoughts are a sign that I'm ready to join this small group at my new church. It starts this Friday morning. I'm not intimidated by being in a small group or Bible study. I never have been. But, I'm afraid of this not working. I'm afraid of finding out it's a bunch of churchy women playing the churchy game.

Being at this church and not being a part of anything, has sort of been like holding my breath under water. And, I'm afraid that, when I get in this group, it's going to be like getting to the surface of the water, finally letting my breath out and I break down and cry. Get all emotional with people I don't even know. I don't know why I think I will cry. Maybe it's because I've just been so dang afraid, and now I'm doing it......I'm crossing over my twelve inch thick, very protective wall I've constructed. What's going to protect me now, sitting in the circle of this small group?


Chelle said...

God...that's what (who rather) will protect you. He won't lead you anywhere to merely be devoured.

Enjoy it!

Organized Chaos said...

Hmmm...lots of thoughts going through my mind.

First, very ironic, I too took the kids to their first AWANA meeting at a church that we don't attend, since ours doesn't offer it, and felt on the outside watching friends socialize. I thought about our "old church" also and the people I included.

I hope you go on Friday and that God softens your hearts towards this group of women...that you're able to give them the benefit of the doubt that they are sincere and not churchy, despite any first impressions. I know you've loved this church...that has to mean the people, too, in some sense since they make up "the church". I think it helps to think about what you hope these women are like...and then be that person expecting the same in return. If you're quiet, closed, guarded and judgemental you may feel the same in return...not the right response, I understand...but since they don't know you it could be the human reaction...don't forget, they are believers, but fallen and human.

I hope you're able to stop worrying about what emotions surface, and trust that God will move you in a way that he sees needed, and that the group needs...maybe someone being real and vulnerable is what the group needs to bond?

I'll be praying for you tomorrow and look forward to reading an update on how things went. I'm praying specifically that you feel like you connect with one woman. I hope you experience true fellowship with these ladies and are able to just be yourself and not play any games to protect yourself...God will guard you, trust him and let him lead.

Keep us posted! Get it..."post" ed...hahaha...hope the ladies are as funny as me!

Rochelle said...

It takes great skill to become part of new group, and be able to share your story without wearing your heart on your sleeve. It's a skill I'm still learning. I pray that God will grant you this skill so you can let your breath out without feeling like you've just compromised yourself! I'm loving my new women's group, and God has granted my wish of not spilling my guts and crying in many different, sometimes odd ways! But regardless, it's working. I don't even want to share my story yet, which is so not like me!

I'm glad to hear that you still miss people from your previous church. Sounds like you've moved on from some of the hurt. I'm getting there, too. I've only heard from 2 people since I moved, and it feels weird to just be forgotten (even though it was my choice to go). Just like Organized Chaos said, I pray that you are able to go deeper in your relationships an forge some lasting friendships.Moving and moving on are hard. You seem very resilient, though, and can hold your own in a new situation!

Jodi said...

Ahhhhh....I am loving all of this encouragement....Thank you, friends! :)