Maybe it's my age or something, but here's the deal. I am no longer willing to put up with unhealthy relationships and being treated like crap. I mean, I've exercised my boundaries in the past, but I seem to be noticing lately, that I am finding it impossible to pretend and move on in relationships when they are just not right. I want to talk about stuff, work stuff out in healthy ways. The thing is, if the person doesn't want to do that, I am becoming more comfortable with the fact that that is their choice, and I have no control that. It doesn't seem to make me so crazy anymore. So, I'm even finding that I am becoming OK with not having a relationship with them at all, if that's the way somebody chooses to treat me and handle things.
Isn't that weird?
Well, it's weird to me.
I guess I want more from relationships. I want authenticity. And, I want to BE authentic. I hate fake. I hate "keep the peace at all costs." I hate games. I want feedback. I want pushback. And I want to offer my own input. I want to be valued for who I am. I want my feelings valued. I want what I have to say to be valued. I want to be respected. If I have a problem, I want to be able to discuss it and process it and be HEARD. Validated. I want to offer who I am, and have someone appreciate it. To listen to someone's problems, and not be taken advantage of. To be a friend and have it be reciprocated. To offer my fragile humanness as a gift, and have someone treasure it.
That's what I want.
Monday, January 28, 2008
The Best Snow Day Ever
I had the best day. Well, up until 7:00 PM tonight, but that's another story....ANYWAY.....I had the best day. I really needed today.
Today, we woke up to SNOW! Four inches of snow! YAHOO! School was cancelled!! I've been waiting for a good dumping, so we could go outside and play. We have a nice little sledding hill in our neighborhood, so we headed out about 9 AM. We have a saucer, a tobaggan and a little sled that looks like a shovel. I went down a couple of times, and then around the 5th time, I flipped off my saucer and hit the back of my head on the ground. That did not feel good. I was afraid to go again. But, I had a blast watching my kids go off jumps. I even hit a jump one time and caught some serious air. AWEsome. Here's some pics of Melanie and Ben sledding. Amanda stayed in bed too long to join in on the fun - party pooper!
At 1:00, I went to my speech class (my morning class was cancelled). It was the first day of speeches, and it was so good for me to go, because it took away my jitters. The teacher was so encouraging and made everyone so comfortable, I am feeling very confident about my speech tomorrow. I am well prepared and practiced up, so I think it's going to be a good thing....Another good thing is that I got an extra day (and maybe two, it if snows tonight!) to study for my A&P test!
We're supposed to get dumped on tonight while we're sleeping, so it looks like we'll be sledding again tomorrow.....Here's some pics I took of the snow in our yard....
Today, we woke up to SNOW! Four inches of snow! YAHOO! School was cancelled!! I've been waiting for a good dumping, so we could go outside and play. We have a nice little sledding hill in our neighborhood, so we headed out about 9 AM. We have a saucer, a tobaggan and a little sled that looks like a shovel. I went down a couple of times, and then around the 5th time, I flipped off my saucer and hit the back of my head on the ground. That did not feel good. I was afraid to go again. But, I had a blast watching my kids go off jumps. I even hit a jump one time and caught some serious air. AWEsome. Here's some pics of Melanie and Ben sledding. Amanda stayed in bed too long to join in on the fun - party pooper!
At 1:00, I went to my speech class (my morning class was cancelled). It was the first day of speeches, and it was so good for me to go, because it took away my jitters. The teacher was so encouraging and made everyone so comfortable, I am feeling very confident about my speech tomorrow. I am well prepared and practiced up, so I think it's going to be a good thing....Another good thing is that I got an extra day (and maybe two, it if snows tonight!) to study for my A&P test!
We're supposed to get dumped on tonight while we're sleeping, so it looks like we'll be sledding again tomorrow.....Here's some pics I took of the snow in our yard....
Sunday, January 27, 2008
Birthday Party!
I'm stressing right now, because I have a major A&P test on Monday, plus I need to prepare for my speech on Tuesday. I'm sitting here trying to decide which to focus most of my attention on today. And, since I am still deciding, I'm going to type on this blog! Nothing like a blog for some good procrastination. HAHA!!
SO! This weekend, was Ben's birthday party with friends. He had a party at the skating rink! It was really Ben's first real skating experience, and he did pretty good! This morning, he does have some pretty big bruises, and a swollen elbow, though :( Here are some pics from the party.....
Hi! I'm Ben and I'm 7!!
The skating rink provided us with our own table and decorations, where we all had Costco cake (MM!) The cake had these big frosting balloons on them, and each kid wanted one, so I really hacked up the cake getting to them...
One of my favorite moments at the party, was Ben reading this birthday card from his friend. His friend was beside himself about this card. He even mentioned it right away when he first arrived at the party, giggling and trying not to give it away. Then, when the moment came for Ben to open it, the friend AND his brother were just crowding around Ben laughing and wiggling with excitement. As Ben read it aloud, all of the boys cracked up. Here it is:
Here's the inside:
Ahhhh, boys......
Look at those flailing arms, trying to keep from going down on his hiney! It was nice that the rink was initially barren so Ben could start learning, but a half hour later, it was packed!
Amanda and her boyfriend, Brett....
Melanie and her friend Zooie....
SO! This weekend, was Ben's birthday party with friends. He had a party at the skating rink! It was really Ben's first real skating experience, and he did pretty good! This morning, he does have some pretty big bruises, and a swollen elbow, though :( Here are some pics from the party.....
Hi! I'm Ben and I'm 7!!
The skating rink provided us with our own table and decorations, where we all had Costco cake (MM!) The cake had these big frosting balloons on them, and each kid wanted one, so I really hacked up the cake getting to them...
One of my favorite moments at the party, was Ben reading this birthday card from his friend. His friend was beside himself about this card. He even mentioned it right away when he first arrived at the party, giggling and trying not to give it away. Then, when the moment came for Ben to open it, the friend AND his brother were just crowding around Ben laughing and wiggling with excitement. As Ben read it aloud, all of the boys cracked up. Here it is:
Here's the inside:
Ahhhh, boys......
Look at those flailing arms, trying to keep from going down on his hiney! It was nice that the rink was initially barren so Ben could start learning, but a half hour later, it was packed!
Amanda and her boyfriend, Brett....
Melanie and her friend Zooie....
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
Speech on Burn Out
So, I'm giving my first speech on Burn Out in my speech class the week of the 28th. I have found quite a bit of research to speak on Burn Out in general, and I am going to sprinkle my personal story in it as well. I just might put a typed-out version of my speech on this blog, so stay tuned!!
I decided against speaking on Church/Religious burnout, because I think the class is too diverse, and it would be difficult to close the "level of dispute," as our teacher puts it. I will, however, share that my burnout stemmed from church, and I am excited to share how it has re-shaped my belief system relating to God and the church.
My hope is that I will have brought awareness, as well as convinced each person to be careful in the future to watch for those burnout signals in their jobs, marriages, church, etc., so they won't ever have to go there.
Please pray for me!! I'm nervous. Yet, I'm also interested to see how much I actually enjoy doing this. I have enjoyed it in the past when I have spoken publicly, and received positive feedback. But, now, it's different, because I want the Lord to show me through this, if this nagging dream in my heart to speak publicly in His name is real. Is it something he wants me to do, or is it just me? Is it a ministry/vocational direction I should follow, or will it be something I do occasionally on the side? I really want to know this, and I trust Him to show me that. Please pray that is is made clear to me.
OK. I'm feeling naked now. I need a truffle....
I decided against speaking on Church/Religious burnout, because I think the class is too diverse, and it would be difficult to close the "level of dispute," as our teacher puts it. I will, however, share that my burnout stemmed from church, and I am excited to share how it has re-shaped my belief system relating to God and the church.
My hope is that I will have brought awareness, as well as convinced each person to be careful in the future to watch for those burnout signals in their jobs, marriages, church, etc., so they won't ever have to go there.
Please pray for me!! I'm nervous. Yet, I'm also interested to see how much I actually enjoy doing this. I have enjoyed it in the past when I have spoken publicly, and received positive feedback. But, now, it's different, because I want the Lord to show me through this, if this nagging dream in my heart to speak publicly in His name is real. Is it something he wants me to do, or is it just me? Is it a ministry/vocational direction I should follow, or will it be something I do occasionally on the side? I really want to know this, and I trust Him to show me that. Please pray that is is made clear to me.
OK. I'm feeling naked now. I need a truffle....
Inquiring Minds
Here's my conversation at breakfast this morning, over Rice Chex cereal and my homemade latte.
Ben: Mom, what's one million plus a dozen?
Me: One million and twelve.
Ben: I KNEW it.
Ben: Mom, what's one million plus a dozen?
Me: One million and twelve.
Ben: I KNEW it.
Friday, January 18, 2008
Oral Surgery
I made Ben's oral surgery appointment. I'm having anxiety about this whole thing. He just seems so little to me, to be sedated under general anesthesia, and I hate the thought of seeing him in pain afterwards. I wish he didn't have to do this, but he has to get all those extra baby teeth out. They're not even sure how many extras he has, so they will see when they get in there. I hope they pull out the right ones - that would really suck. Anyway, I scheduled his surgery on a Thursday, so both Joe and I can take care of him during Joe's days off. I'm going to skip one class Thursday, and just go to a 50 minute class on Friday morning while Joe sits with him. He might not even wake up until I get back, is what I'm hoping. I want to be near him........
Wednesday, January 16, 2008
Self-Imposed....
I have been wasting time tonight. Why? I'm putting off what I really want to do, which is read my new book, because I know I should study Anatomy and Physiology. But this whole self-imposed pressure and guilt is leaving me indecisive, and I'm just wasting time instead.
AAAAGGGHGHGHGHGH!!!! Why should I feel guilty if I do what I really want to do, and if I'm the one who is going to suffer the consequences of not getting a good grade on the next test, anyway? Who IS this person in my brain? Well, you're going away, sister. I'm going to go read my book and LIKE IT.
So THERE.
AAAAGGGHGHGHGHGH!!!! Why should I feel guilty if I do what I really want to do, and if I'm the one who is going to suffer the consequences of not getting a good grade on the next test, anyway? Who IS this person in my brain? Well, you're going away, sister. I'm going to go read my book and LIKE IT.
So THERE.
Sleeping Bag
So, about this awesome game of Cranium we just played. There's a funny story I HAVE to tell! OK. It was my team's turn (Ben and I were a team). Ben drew a card, and had to form something out of clay, and I had to guess what it was. So, Ben starts forming this thing. I can't even describe the thing. It was just a thing. So, my mom decides to help, making a sleeping bag, and pillow underneath a tent. So, I immediately guess: SLEEPING BAG!! I got it!
Then, we all turn and look at what Ben had been making. We all had confused looks on our faces, and asked him about his sculpture. Here's how he explained it: "Here's the eyes and the mouth. He's drooling because he is sleeping."
Get it? SLEEPING bag. The bag is sleeping!! And, it drools while it's sleeping! HAHAHA!!! We almost peed our pants from laughing so hard......
Then, we all turn and look at what Ben had been making. We all had confused looks on our faces, and asked him about his sculpture. Here's how he explained it: "Here's the eyes and the mouth. He's drooling because he is sleeping."
Get it? SLEEPING bag. The bag is sleeping!! And, it drools while it's sleeping! HAHAHA!!! We almost peed our pants from laughing so hard......
Recently....
Recently....I bought my husband an iPod Shuffle as a surprise. I thought it might make a cool Valentine's gift, but I couldn't wait. He's been talking about wanting to run a marathon this summer, and thought he might like an MP3 or something for running. So, I gave it to him in a little gift bag. His face was great when he opened it.....
Recently....I ordered two new books. One is called "The Shack" by William P. Young, and the other is called "So You Don't Want To Go To Church Anymore," by Jake Colsen (which is a pseudonym for two friends who wrote the book together). Both are Christian books that aren't too long, and they just sound awesome. I'll have to give my reviews on the blog when I get a chance to read them!!
Recently...was my son's 7th birthday. I think I began this blog with his 6th birthday! Wowie. Anyway, my mom came over for Grandparent's Day at his school the day before his birthday, and then spent the night. We went out to Chuck E. Cheese's for dinner to celebrate (my mom, me, Joe, the girls and my brother Joe). Afterwards, we played an awesome game of Cranium. Then, my mom and Joe decided to spend another night, so my mom and I had more time to dink around. We went down to "The Paper Muse," and spent some cash (well, I spent my Christmas gift certificate and my mom spent some cash). I got an awesome clear, stamp set with a bunch of swirls and flourishes as well as some new papers. It was one of those weekends, where you do a lot of stuff, stay up late and feel wiped out at the end. Good stuff. After they left Sunday morning, I got a little nap, and studied Anatomy and Physiology.
Recently....I took an Anatomy & Physiology quiz on the heart. We had to DRAW the 4 chambers , 4 vessel groups, the 4 valves and 4 layers. Then, we had to indicate the flow of blood in and out of the heart with colors (blue for deoxygenated blood, and red for oxygenated) and arrows. Somebody told me they saw my quiz in our teacher's stack, and I got 100%!!! YAY!!
Recently....I ordered two new books. One is called "The Shack" by William P. Young, and the other is called "So You Don't Want To Go To Church Anymore," by Jake Colsen (which is a pseudonym for two friends who wrote the book together). Both are Christian books that aren't too long, and they just sound awesome. I'll have to give my reviews on the blog when I get a chance to read them!!
Recently...was my son's 7th birthday. I think I began this blog with his 6th birthday! Wowie. Anyway, my mom came over for Grandparent's Day at his school the day before his birthday, and then spent the night. We went out to Chuck E. Cheese's for dinner to celebrate (my mom, me, Joe, the girls and my brother Joe). Afterwards, we played an awesome game of Cranium. Then, my mom and Joe decided to spend another night, so my mom and I had more time to dink around. We went down to "The Paper Muse," and spent some cash (well, I spent my Christmas gift certificate and my mom spent some cash). I got an awesome clear, stamp set with a bunch of swirls and flourishes as well as some new papers. It was one of those weekends, where you do a lot of stuff, stay up late and feel wiped out at the end. Good stuff. After they left Sunday morning, I got a little nap, and studied Anatomy and Physiology.
Recently....I took an Anatomy & Physiology quiz on the heart. We had to DRAW the 4 chambers , 4 vessel groups, the 4 valves and 4 layers. Then, we had to indicate the flow of blood in and out of the heart with colors (blue for deoxygenated blood, and red for oxygenated) and arrows. Somebody told me they saw my quiz in our teacher's stack, and I got 100%!!! YAY!!
Thursday, January 10, 2008
Crack
My daughter got docked for picking her leo out of her butt during her beam routine last night. HAHA! Who knew it was not OK to pick something out of your crack? Do the judges WANT to keep looking at an exposed butt cheek?
Scraped up.....
I'm going through some stuff, and it's time to remember the self-care. Going to college is part of my self-care, but it's certainly not always recreation! This weekend, I need to visit my paper store, I think..... It is also my son's birthday on Saturday. I promised him Chuck E. Cheese for dinner, then in two weeks, we're having his friend party at the skating rink......
But, anyway, back to the paper crafts. I got the latest Stampin' Up catalog. It is so beautiful, with TONS of awesome ideas. Plus, there was some new stuff I think I must order! It's just too hard to resist. Now, I'm not a stamp junkie, but I like to buy a few new, little things once in awhile to keep me inspired. I mostly buy new papers or embellishments....
Today, (on top of everything else) I need something to distract me from the sad reality that my son is in need of some oral surgery. We noticed that his top tooth was coming in quite weird, so I took him to the orthodontist today. The x-ray showed that he has 3 or more extra baby teeth, and the one that we see is actually one of those extras. The ortho said that he couldn't even be 100% sure from the x-rays what was up there. His words were that it is a "mess." Not good things to hear from a doctor! So, we're looking at oral surgery for this kid very soon. I feel so bad for him......
Oh, and somebody clipped the left back bumper of my beautiful truck. It's got a nice scrape on it. Waaahhhhh.....
That's kind of what my soul feels like right now - all scraped up.....
But, anyway, back to the paper crafts. I got the latest Stampin' Up catalog. It is so beautiful, with TONS of awesome ideas. Plus, there was some new stuff I think I must order! It's just too hard to resist. Now, I'm not a stamp junkie, but I like to buy a few new, little things once in awhile to keep me inspired. I mostly buy new papers or embellishments....
Today, (on top of everything else) I need something to distract me from the sad reality that my son is in need of some oral surgery. We noticed that his top tooth was coming in quite weird, so I took him to the orthodontist today. The x-ray showed that he has 3 or more extra baby teeth, and the one that we see is actually one of those extras. The ortho said that he couldn't even be 100% sure from the x-rays what was up there. His words were that it is a "mess." Not good things to hear from a doctor! So, we're looking at oral surgery for this kid very soon. I feel so bad for him......
Oh, and somebody clipped the left back bumper of my beautiful truck. It's got a nice scrape on it. Waaahhhhh.....
That's kind of what my soul feels like right now - all scraped up.....
Saturday, January 5, 2008
Back To School
I went back to classes on Wednesday. My Anatomy & Physiology prof did not come both days, but we expected that, as she had surgery. However, we were supposed to have a sub for our lecture, who didn't show up for both of those days. It's sort of deflating to begin the quarter sitting around waiting for a teacher to come - plus, how unprofessional is that! Anyway, our prof did make copies of some work for us to begin, and boy, do I mean work! Since my youngest kids are still on Christmas break from their school, I am trying to balance time with them and getting my studying in. I'll be glad when they start back on Monday, so I can have a good chunk of the day for uninterrupted studying. Then, I can focus on them when they get home......
I am also taking a Public Speaking class. We're supposed to be coming up with an "umbrella topic" this weekend to base all of our four speeches on throughout the quarter. I have two ideas. What do you think: "The Art of the Handwritten Note/Letter" or "Burnout." We're supposed to do two informative speeches, one editorial commentary and one persuasive speech based on our topic. We should carefully choose a topic, as we will be stuck with it, and it should be something we will enjoy talking about......I was thinking that this is a great opportunity to make a spiritual impact in some way, through the topic of Burnout. I could talk on Spiritual Burnout in my second speech, highlighting on the fact that "religion" means earning approval from God through works, which we can burn out on......I was thinking about how I could slide in a very subtle explanation of the basis of true Christianity. That sounds kind of exciting, but challenging too!! I don't know...I think I need the teacher's help deciding....I bet she won't like the "religious" one!
I am also taking a Public Speaking class. We're supposed to be coming up with an "umbrella topic" this weekend to base all of our four speeches on throughout the quarter. I have two ideas. What do you think: "The Art of the Handwritten Note/Letter" or "Burnout." We're supposed to do two informative speeches, one editorial commentary and one persuasive speech based on our topic. We should carefully choose a topic, as we will be stuck with it, and it should be something we will enjoy talking about......I was thinking that this is a great opportunity to make a spiritual impact in some way, through the topic of Burnout. I could talk on Spiritual Burnout in my second speech, highlighting on the fact that "religion" means earning approval from God through works, which we can burn out on......I was thinking about how I could slide in a very subtle explanation of the basis of true Christianity. That sounds kind of exciting, but challenging too!! I don't know...I think I need the teacher's help deciding....I bet she won't like the "religious" one!
Gymnastics
It's hard to get good gymnastics pics since they don't let you use a flash. So, here's a few blurry ones of Melanie at a recent meet. The score they are holding up is for the previous gymnast. Melanie has been improving each time she has performed. Her score at the last meet was a 6.7 on beam! She is working on her skills for the uneven bars, and hopes to perform on those along with beam soon. Her team is doing really well. They have a relatively small team (10) compared to their competitors, but they have seemed to outshine them regardless! Out of three meets so far, they have been first place twice and second place once!
I'm so proud of my kids and what they are passionate about, and attempt to do. I'm glad they're following their bents, and becoming their own people.....
Tuesday, January 1, 2008
Happy New Year!!
I hope you enjoyed a safe and festive New Year's Eve!! My oldest went to a party with friends, while Melanie bet Ben a dollar he couldn't stay up until midnight. That meant I had to stay up, which I wasn't wanting to do! :) I tried "sickling" (a soft tickling of Ben's back), to get him to go to sleep, but it didn't work. He made it. I, however, fell asleep for a little while, until the kids said it was time for the ball to drop on TV. Ben took some metal pot lids out on the back patio and banged them for about 30 seconds, when he announced, "OK. That's enough." We then watched the fireworks at the Space Needle, which were quite a letdown, as something must have malfunctioned! What a bummer for all those people who had spend all night downtown! Anyway, I guess Mel owes Ben a dollar....
Oh yeah! I realized that I have had this blog for exactly one year now! I just noticed that eBlogger automatically created an archive of all my posts for 2007......
One more thing. Here's my verse of the day that I subscribe to, and I think it's a good theme verse for the year:
Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you. 1 Peter 5:7 NLT
Oh yeah! I realized that I have had this blog for exactly one year now! I just noticed that eBlogger automatically created an archive of all my posts for 2007......
One more thing. Here's my verse of the day that I subscribe to, and I think it's a good theme verse for the year:
Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you. 1 Peter 5:7 NLT
Four More
I made some more cards yesterday. It's so much fun. Winter Quarter starts tomorrow, so I don't know when I'll be able to make cards for a while.....
This card was created with three different BasicGrey papers and some hardware. I just love the bird....
I used my bird stickers for this one. This is my favorite sticker of all. By the way, the stickers are made my Cavallini & Co. out of San Francisco. They come in a CD-sized tin, with over 100 thick, paper stickers. SO awesome.
I utilized some paper with a printed front and back, so it matched perfectly. I also used a little belt buckle embellishment from Stampin' Up.
Sometimes, if I like the style of a card, I'll try it using different colors and papers. This one was made with double-sided paper also, with an oval shaped buckle....
This card was created with three different BasicGrey papers and some hardware. I just love the bird....
I used my bird stickers for this one. This is my favorite sticker of all. By the way, the stickers are made my Cavallini & Co. out of San Francisco. They come in a CD-sized tin, with over 100 thick, paper stickers. SO awesome.
I utilized some paper with a printed front and back, so it matched perfectly. I also used a little belt buckle embellishment from Stampin' Up.
Sometimes, if I like the style of a card, I'll try it using different colors and papers. This one was made with double-sided paper also, with an oval shaped buckle....
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