Thursday, March 26, 2009


My problem is not life-threatening like the situation in my previous post, but rather, dream threatening.

My daughter wants to go to a Christian, private college that she has fallen in love with. I want her to go there. I know her, and I know that this kind of environment is where she would thrive as a person. It has the programs she needs to become a music teacher.

But, she didn't get enough financial aid award money.

Sure, she could become indebt up to her ears and take the next 20 years to repay it on a teacher's salary. But, that's not wise. I suppose some people do it, but what kind of life would that be for her, being enslaved to this huge debt?

We have been a one-income family all this time, half of which was spent in the military. Needless to say, we haven't been able to save anything for college. What we have done is try to invest in her developing her music talents with the hope that it would help her get to college with scholarships, etc. She got a little bit, but not enough. She has gotten awesome grades and even will graduate from high school with her AA degree, which is great, but not enough.

Now, we're looking at option "B" which is a state college. Obviously, not Christian. A lot cheaper, but will not be as vigorous of an education. It's also still a lot of money. We did the whole FAFSA application thing, and their "estimated family contribution" makes me laugh. Do they seriously think we could contribute that much per year? And we're not even in debt, except for our home and some money left on one vehicle. So, do they think we're going to become indebt for her because we're able to get this parent loan? Is that really our responsibility?

I'm so discouraged. I think about the people who wouldn't even blink an eye at what might seem like a small amount of money to them, but it is that amount that is out of ours and Amanda's reach.

Dreams out of reach.

I feel like her dream is out of reach because of money. I sit there and give myself a headache, thinking "what could I sell, where could I work, what could I apply to" that could eeek out enough for her to attend this school. It's not fair. It's not fair that there's kids whose parents both work and their kids automatically go to college and the kids never pay a dime. Its not fair that rich celebrities go out and buy $50,000 outfits and my child can't go to the school of her dreams. It's not fair that such a wonderful, godly girl like Amanda can't fulfill her dream.

I'm frustrated, sad, angry, hurt and whatever else you want to fill in the blank with. Why isn't God blessing her? Why? Why wouldn't he give her bigger scholarships to attend this school? Why has it seemed like He's been leading her there all along, and now its coming to a screeching halt? Why? Why is it coming down to these stinking numbers - these dollar signs that we don't have to give her?


Organized Chaos said...

Man, Jodi...sorry to hear about this situation.

It kinda reminds me of my college selection...I totally ended up somewhere different then I thought.

The thought that keeps coming to mind as I read your post was that as amazing as you all felt life would be for her at her "college of choice"...God has something even bigger and better in store for her. Maybe it's disguised in a state school and that isn't the original vision...but there is a bigger plan at work.

Again...not trying to belittle anything or minimize your feelins and frustrations, just remember though that God hasn't foresaken her or decided not to bless her...he is just painting a picture that looks different then the one you were painting.

Elle J said...

I do not know the dollar amount, nor need to, but just reading your post; it is not coming to a screeching halt. Maybe he is stretching Amanda in new ways; if it is state school, what seed does He know she can spread for others that need to hear her words of wisdom, or care, or being. If it is the private school, maybe she'll be stretched to include work to her college schedule. I do not have the answers, just support that God is not shutting a door, he is opening one that you have yet to find. I know it is tough - Hugs to you and your sweetie.

Anonymous said...

Maybe God IS blessing her. Fiscal responsibility is a is a realistic outlook. The degree is important, not the college. If she is going to be a great teacher, it will not be because of some expensive college.

Jodi said...

Good points from each of you...lots of things to ponder...I hurt, though - this is my girl, you know?

Chelle said...

That stinks! Search high and low, all over the place for scholarship money. I think someone once said the Library of Congress has that stuff listed. Thousands of dollars go unclaimed because no one ever applies for the money. Get creative, outside the box, and outside government (oh wait, maybe they'll give her a bailout plan! Ugh..sorry). Praying for a way to be made and that door to be opened.

Jodi said...

I have an idea. How about if 70 people give us $1,000 each? :)

Shannon said...

I'm so sorry Jodi. I can't imagine how this must feel, but know that one day I will since I can imagine that we will be in a similar situation.

Both are great schools though, I went to the state one and Brett to the private one. Not that this matters......her dreams are her dreams.

Praying for you mommy heart, and Amanda's dream.

Jodi said...

Thanks Shannon.