Dreams

My problem is not life-threatening like the situation in my previous post, but rather, dream threatening.

My daughter wants to go to a Christian, private college that she has fallen in love with. I want her to go there. I know her, and I know that this kind of environment is where she would thrive as a person. It has the programs she needs to become a music teacher.

But, she didn't get enough financial aid award money.

Sure, she could become indebt up to her ears and take the next 20 years to repay it on a teacher's salary. But, that's not wise. I suppose some people do it, but what kind of life would that be for her, being enslaved to this huge debt?

We have been a one-income family all this time, half of which was spent in the military. Needless to say, we haven't been able to save anything for college. What we have done is try to invest in her developing her music talents with the hope that it would help her get to college with scholarships, etc. She got a little bit, but not enough. She has gotten awesome grades and even will graduate from high school with her AA degree, which is great, but not enough.

Now, we're looking at option "B" which is a state college. Obviously, not Christian. A lot cheaper, but will not be as vigorous of an education. It's also still a lot of money. We did the whole FAFSA application thing, and their "estimated family contribution" makes me laugh. Do they seriously think we could contribute that much per year? And we're not even in debt, except for our home and some money left on one vehicle. So, do they think we're going to become indebt for her because we're able to get this parent loan? Is that really our responsibility?

I'm so discouraged. I think about the people who wouldn't even blink an eye at what might seem like a small amount of money to them, but it is that amount that is out of ours and Amanda's reach.

Dreams out of reach.

I feel like her dream is out of reach because of money. I sit there and give myself a headache, thinking "what could I sell, where could I work, what could I apply to" that could eeek out enough for her to attend this school. It's not fair. It's not fair that there's kids whose parents both work and their kids automatically go to college and the kids never pay a dime. Its not fair that rich celebrities go out and buy $50,000 outfits and my child can't go to the school of her dreams. It's not fair that such a wonderful, godly girl like Amanda can't fulfill her dream.

I'm frustrated, sad, angry, hurt and whatever else you want to fill in the blank with. Why isn't God blessing her? Why? Why wouldn't he give her bigger scholarships to attend this school? Why has it seemed like He's been leading her there all along, and now its coming to a screeching halt? Why? Why is it coming down to these stinking numbers - these dollar signs that we don't have to give her?