Whatcha Readin'?

I usually have a pile of books next to my bed or in my nightstand. Lately, it has been ultrasound or anatomy books. But, since I'm off from school for a few weeks, I got a couple of new books that are not ultrasound related.

1. Emotionally Healthy Spirituality, by Peter Scazerro
2. Crazy Love, by Francis Chan

I started both books at the same time, and then decided I should stick to just one. Its hard for me, because I just want to race through them and devour them. But, I know that when I read too fast, I don't absorb what I should. So, I'm trying to get the most out of them by taking it slow.

Anyway, both of these books are Christian books about relationship with God. I felt drawn to these books because I am feeling the need to start afresh in a way with the Lord. Since my burnout experience almost three years ago, I have not served in the church on a regular basis. I volunteered twice in a small capacity, but that's it. I have needed healing, for one thing. I have also needed to just step back and look at the church, church people and God from a different perspective.

I have wanted an authentic relationship with God. Anytime I feel like I "should" have time with God, I don't do it. I have, in a way, resisted anything that is a "should" or a "check the boxes" kind of relationship with God. I have resisted doing anything, in which I started feeling like I'm a "good Christian" for, or feel some sort of obligation to do. I don't want that crap anymore. I just want Jesus. I want anything I do decide to do, to come out of what He and I have together.

Lately, and through the book I am reading, I am wanting to have alone time in quiet with the Lord. More contemplative. More just listening to Him. I think I do a lot of talking to Him, requesting, sharing, etc., and not enough listening. I also just want to be with him. And not because I should feel good about myself for having my "quiet time" on a regular basis because that's what I'm supposed to do. But, because I really want to be with Him.

So, that's what I'm reading. What are you reading?

I Would Really Like To...

I would really like to....

go kayaking....
get a haircut...
move...
be done with school...
go back in time and hold each of my kids when they were babies...
make some cards...
see Jesus...
lose 10 pounds...
get two kittens...
spend more time developing a good friendship...
be in menopause...
get into a really good book...
feel confident at my clinical site...

What would you really like to do?