THIS IS IT

This is it.

Last night, I graduated from TCC's Diagnostic Medical Sonography program. My soul was quiet and pensive all day long leading up to the ceremony. Flashes of memories throughout these four years of schooling kept coming up in my mind. Its hard to formulate the words for how full my heart feels. Full of gratitude to God for seeing me through each and every milestone along the way. Every assignment, every test, every scan, every difficult situation, every success. He was there. He allowed me to begin this endeavor and He has allowed me to finish it.

Praise Him.

All glory to Him.

Today I give all credit to the One who loves me. The One who knew the dream of my heart and let me fulfill it. Thank you, Lord.

Thank you.


My family gave me some diamond earrings before we left for the ceremony.


Joe and I before the ceremony. I couldn't have done this without him. He took over the household so that I could focus on my studies. I love you, honey.


My family. I am grateful for all of their support and patience during this time.


Me waiting to hear my name called and walk across the stage.


Thank you, ma'am!


My husband, my greatest supporter.


The Adriatic Grill opened their dining room just for us so we could celebrate after graduation.



Amanda, David, Melanie, Jordan, Ben, Bill, Sharon and Me

Man, Its Been Awhile

Its been awhile since I have posted anything! I guess that goes to show how BUSY I am. I have about 8.5 weeks left in my ultrasound program! SO EXCITED! Maybe when I have more time, I'll start blogging again.......

Being Busy

I wonder. Is being busy good or bad?

I've noticed that my thoughts are returning to thinking about church again, and I think its because I am on vacation. I thought I wasn't thinking about it very much because I am SO over it. Apparently not. I think I was just too busy doing other things to think about it.

Also, apparently I have also been too busy to fight with my husband. Because we did a little of that on our Christmas break. Good times. :) We made up, though. Also good times.

I have also been so busy with other things that I haven't made very many cards. I DID make all my Christmas cards this year, but in stages. The other day I made a beautiful card, and it was wonderful. Its such a great re-creational thing for me to do.

Now that I am semi-used to working full-time, I am feeling the need to get more organized. (I usually do this before a new year starts, by the way). I am usually SO tired by the time I get home from work, all I can do is veg out until the glorious time when I can put Ben to bed so I can go to bed. However, I think that my new clinical sites might not demand so much out of me and I might just have a little bit more energy when I get home. In that case, I need a plan.

I need an exercise plan and a dinner menu plan. I've never been good at the exercise thing, but I have been good at the dinner plan thing. The difference now, is that I rely on Joe for help in the dinner plan arena. I used to do a two-week dinner menu plan, but now I think I might do it week by week, so its easier. I want to get all the ingredients for a week's worth of dinners, and have a designated day for each meal. Then, Joe and I can coordinate on how those meals will be made. Sometimes, he has the mornings free to prepare a crockpot meal, or just cook up a meal to heat later. Other times, he works overtime and doesn't have a chance to do that. He's just been taking on a lot of the household shopping, while trying to provide most of the dinner meals during my first year of my ultrasound program because I was studying EVERY waking hour. Now that I am in clinicals, I can do more. Plus, he's not even home during dinnertime most nights. And, I want to so the kids and I don't resort to cereal so often. :) All in all, this is going to take a little coordinating. Since I'm on vacation, I can figure all of this out.

The exercise plan - I really don't know. It seems like the last thing I want to do when I get home. But, now I have equipment at home I can use: elliptical, resistance bands and an exercise ball. I don't need to go a gym, which is helpful. But, I don't think I can take an hour. Perhaps if I take a half hour, and choose either cardio or toning? Hmm..its a good place to start.

There's something about organization that takes the whirlwind out of busy. It actually helps me feel peaceful in the midst of a lot of activity. When things are running smoothly, it feels good. So, while I'm not BUSY, I need to make some plans!

Is It Possible?

Years ago in San Diego, I experienced church community in a very deep and meaningful way. Our group of friends was so special to us. We just enjoyed being around them - included and important. Hanging out with them was fulfilling on a deep level for me. Sharing the holidays with them and their families filled a void in my soul. Giving and receiving. Celebrating and grieving. Playing and praying. It was one of the best times in my life.

Then, we moved.

I started looking for my new family. Didn't find it right away. Then, we started going to a church where I thought I could find it again. Spent almost five years waiting for it to happen, but it didn't. I "checked all the boxes": joined small groups, served, etc. Served, served, served, served. Oh yeah - did I say serve? This is also the place where I got burned as well as experienced a major burn out. Duh.

It's been about four years since that happened.

I feel like I have healed from that experience, but I am at a place where I don't really trust church to be my family anymore. In fact, I don't trust church that much. I question everything that's done (at my current church, that is). Sometimes it seems like one big, giant club. I could walk in and out every week, and no one would know the difference because its so big. I don't have any friends there. I do enjoy it when I go. I love good music and I like what my pastor has to say most of the time. My teenagers love the youth services, and that's really the main reason I go there. My younger son loves the three story play structure. OK. I tried a couple of womens' Bible studies where several hundred women watched a video and then broke up into smaller groups for discussion and prayer. I couldn't handle the direction of some of the conversations, so I just started coming for the video and then leaving. Nobody called to ask why.

I hear my pastor say that he wants people to come to know Christ, experience healing/wholeness so they can turn around and offer the same thing to others. He says he wants to reach our community. That sounds great to me. I also hear that he has his eye on a bigger property so we can build a bigger church. Really? Do we need a bigger one? Can't we just birth more smaller ones? Why is bigger better? Does it really mean more people have gotten saved and are now coming to church, or has the club just gotten bigger?

I know how I sound. If only you could hear all of the thoughts in my head.

Lately though, I long for the group of friends that enjoys being with each other so much - like I had before. I want to enjoy people, pray for them, meet their needs, feel a strong sense of belonging. I'm thinking that doesn't necessarily have to be found in church. In fact, I've been noticing lately, that real ministry truly happens outside the church. I minister God's love and compassion to so many hurting people at the hospital where I work. Its amazing. I read my Bible and pray before I go into work, asking God to use me. He does. And, its not even churchy.

Is it possible for me to experience people like this again? Someone once told me that it was just a season in my life. But, I'm really thinking that it should be all the time that you have Christian people you love and enjoy in your life. I need a Christian family. I need this.

Family Pictures!

AWANA Western Night

Ben started his third year in AWANA last night. This year he is a T 'n' T kid! I'm so proud of him and how he loves the Lord. He is so good at memorizing his verses - its amazing! He loves game time, too. I'm so happy he is part of AWANA!

His outfit consisted of my cowboy boots, Joe's belt and buckle and Melanie's bandanna. I think he looked pretty sharp! Ben is never afraid to dress up for the theme nights at AWANA. Yesterday, he paraded around in the front yard for his friends. When they asked him why he was dressed like a cowboy, he said "its for AWANA!"

Back At It

I went back to work at my clinical site today. (My daughter says I can't call it "work" since I don't get paid, but let me tell ya, I DO work!) It has been a few weeks since I have been there, and I was a little nervous about going back, knowing I would be a little "rusty." All in all, it was a good day. I got to spend most of the day over at the "inpatient" ultrasound department of the hospital. The outpatient side is more like a clinic, where the inpatient side is more like what you imagine a hospital to be - with sick people and ER patients. Anyway, I had the opportunity to assist with some invasive procedures, such as thoracentesis (draining of the lung spaces). I had some sweet, older patients today and I just enjoy them. Its sad to see them so frail and not feeling well. They love it when I get them the heated blankets and get them all warm and cozy. :) Today, I was thinking that I could just get people warm blankies all day and be happy. Well, I would probably want to scan them too. :) I love what I'm doing!

Opinions

Why is it, when you state an opinion, do others find it necessary to take it upon themselves to "correct" you? Why do we get offended by the opinions of others if it is an opinion we don't share? Why do we need to comment on the opinions of others at all? Can't we just say: "hmmmm...." or "that's an interesting point of view...." or "I don't share that opinion, but it is something to think about...."

Just wondering.....

I found some quotes on opinions that I particularly liked....

Your opinion is your opinion, your perception is your perception--do not confuse them with "facts" or "truth". Wars have been fought and millions have been killed because of the inability of men to understand the idea that EVERYBODY has a different viewpoint.
-JOHN MOORE, Quotations for Martial Artists

It is easy in the world to live after the world's opinion; it is easy in solitude after our own; but the great man is he who in the midst of the crowd keeps with perfect sweetness the independence of solitude.
-Ralph Waldo Emerson

Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds. The mediocre mind is incapable of understanding the man who refuses to bow blindly to conventional prejudices and chooses instead to express his opinions courageously and honestly.
-Albert Einstein

Realization

I was driving in the car the other day, and I sort of realized that I am a working mom now. I mean, I know I've been going to school and beginning my full-time clinical rotations, but as I am approaching the end of my summer break, I realize that this is my last long vacation at home like this. I start my next rotation soon, which ends in June. After that, I will become employed.

After being at home for 15 years before I started this new college adventure, this is kind of a big realization for me. I'm going to be one of those moms now.

Even though I have always been a proponent for staying at home, I've never really been critical of moms who work outside the home. I think staying at home is awesome, but I don't think its what every woman should do. Some say the Bible states that women "should" do this, and have taken a couple of verses and turned them into huge homemaking theologies (I would go so far as saying "religions"). Some even say that a woman's only role is to be a wife and a mother and that's it. I don't think that's what the Bible says.

I'm happy that I chose to stay home during my kids' youngest years. I feel very happy that my kids have never been in daycare, nor will they ever go to daycare. I'm their mom and I want to raise them. But now that they are all in school full-time, I am excited to explore the God-given interests and abilities I have been gifted with.

When I began this college endeavor, I asked the Lord to guide me and protect me from going in a direction that He wouldn't want me to go in. I asked Him to close the doors if this isn't the best for me and my family. Every step of the way, the Lord has given me success. The classes I have attempted have been beyond my imagination that I would even pass, much less get an "A." But, the Lord granted me success - even "A's." Every test, I have given to Him. Every class, I have given to Him - waiting to see if He would not allow me to move forward. But, He has allowed me to be where I am today. I give him the glory and credit for it all.

I believe God gave me the love for medical things, for human anatomy, an analytical mind, a desire to heal. I believe He gave me my personality and abilities to be a ministry to others. I believe my new job is going to be a ministry - no job is more sacred than another - everything we do is to be done "for the glory of God."

God also made me a mother. Staying home when I did was the best thing for my children. It was something my husband and I never had to discuss - we knew it was what we were going to do. Yet, we also knew that I had dreams and gifts God had given me, and at the right time, I would develop those. Now is the time, and by His grace, God has allowed it.

I look forward to what I'm going to be doing, not to mention the paychecks that will allow me to supplement our family life. I also think about how I could give to others in need. I especially am excited to help my children go to college and fulfill their God-given dreams. I will celebrate them pursuing the desires of their heart, since God put those desires there. They may not become spouses or parents, but if God has those things planned for their life, I will celebrate that, too.

I don't believe there is a formula for the role a mother, a wife (or a Christian, for that matter) that everyone should follow. I believe in the greatest commandments: "Love the Lord God with all your heart, with all of your soul and with all of your mind." And, "Love your neighbor as yourself." (Matthew 22). I think when we live out these commandments with the unique personalities and gifts God has given us, life is special and exciting.

Whatcha Readin'?

I usually have a pile of books next to my bed or in my nightstand. Lately, it has been ultrasound or anatomy books. But, since I'm off from school for a few weeks, I got a couple of new books that are not ultrasound related.

1. Emotionally Healthy Spirituality, by Peter Scazerro
2. Crazy Love, by Francis Chan

I started both books at the same time, and then decided I should stick to just one. Its hard for me, because I just want to race through them and devour them. But, I know that when I read too fast, I don't absorb what I should. So, I'm trying to get the most out of them by taking it slow.

Anyway, both of these books are Christian books about relationship with God. I felt drawn to these books because I am feeling the need to start afresh in a way with the Lord. Since my burnout experience almost three years ago, I have not served in the church on a regular basis. I volunteered twice in a small capacity, but that's it. I have needed healing, for one thing. I have also needed to just step back and look at the church, church people and God from a different perspective.

I have wanted an authentic relationship with God. Anytime I feel like I "should" have time with God, I don't do it. I have, in a way, resisted anything that is a "should" or a "check the boxes" kind of relationship with God. I have resisted doing anything, in which I started feeling like I'm a "good Christian" for, or feel some sort of obligation to do. I don't want that crap anymore. I just want Jesus. I want anything I do decide to do, to come out of what He and I have together.

Lately, and through the book I am reading, I am wanting to have alone time in quiet with the Lord. More contemplative. More just listening to Him. I think I do a lot of talking to Him, requesting, sharing, etc., and not enough listening. I also just want to be with him. And not because I should feel good about myself for having my "quiet time" on a regular basis because that's what I'm supposed to do. But, because I really want to be with Him.

So, that's what I'm reading. What are you reading?